Heqet & The Frog People

Heket/Hekat/Heqt is a fertility god symbolized by the frog in ancient Egyptian times. Strangely enough the frog is also known to have caused infestations, recorded in biblical history as one of the Ten Plagues of Egypt. “Heqet” also happens to be the high-pitched phonetic sound that frogs make.

This might sound strange but… I once met who I suspect could have been Heqet & the frog people when I was unconscious in an accident as a teenager. They were speaking in a bizarre chromatically descending percussive tone, like when sliding quickly up in pitch to, say, a little above middle C, and then slowly moving back downwards to lower bass notes. It was strange. No discernible message was communicated, if any at all. A few minutes later I came to. That’s all!

Heqet (Ḥeqet, Ḥeḳet; also Ḥeqtit, Ḥeḳtit) is an Egyptian goddess of fertility, identified with Hathor, represented in the form of a frog[1] To the Egyptians, the frog was an ancient symbol of fertility, related to the annual flooding of the Nile. Heqet was originally the female counterpart of Khnemu, or the wife of Khnemu by whom she became the mother of Heru-ur.[2]

The name is written as ḥqt with the determinative “frog” (I7),[3] or alternatively as ḥqtyt with the “egg” (goddess) determinative (H8).[2] Its Middle Egyptian proununciation may have been close to /ħaˈqaːtat/, whence possibly the name of Greek Hecate ( Ἑκάτη).[4]


The beginning of her cult dates to the early dynastic period at least. Her name was part of the names of some high-born Second Dynasty individuals buried at Helwan and was mentioned on a stela of Wepemnofret and in the Pyramid Texts. Early frog statuettes are often thought to be depictions of her.[5]

Later, as a fertility goddess, associated explicitly with the last stages of the flooding of the Nile, and so with the germination of corn, she was associated with the final stages of childbirth. This association, which appears to have arisen during the Middle Kingdom, gained her the title She who hastens the birth (cf. the role of Heqet in the story of The Birth of the Royal Children from the Westcar Papyrus[6]). Some say that—even though no ancient Egyptian term for “midwife” is known for certain—midwives often called themselves the Servants of Heqet, and that her priestesses were trained in midwifery.[7]Women often wore amulets of her during childbirth, which depicted Heqet as a frog, sitting in a lotus.

Heqet was considered the wife of Khnum, who formed the bodies of new children on his potter’s wheel.[8]

In the Osiris myth, it was Heqet who breathed life into the new body of Horus at birth, as she was a goddess of the last moments of birth. As the birth of Horus became more intimately associated with the resurrection of Osiris, so Heqet’s role became one more closely associated with resurrection. Eventually, this association led to her amulets gaining the phrase I am the resurrection in the Christian era along with cross and lamb symbolism.[9]

~ Wikipedia

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Have a good one folks!


To Be Or Not To Be?

Suicidal thoughts or even contemplating the mere philosophy concerning suicidal phenomena is a socially tabooed topic indeed. But it is still important for us to understand the mind of those who do wish to go through with this sort of terminal action. As someone who would choose to show a little empathy towards a potential terminator, we must understand that such a mind is obviously in a state of enduring deep intense and recurring pain of which we as an outsider know little to nothing about. Usually, this is the reason that such people consider terminating their currently dealt program. Not only do those around them enjoying “healthy lives” fail to relate but the suicidal individual simply wants to escape their constant pain, heartache, sorrow, suffering etc. like anyone in their right mind eventually wants to avoid the sound of a broken record. To deny someone this form of escape would seem totally insane and little better a quality of character than those who deliberately initiate suffering and inflict pain onto others as a sometimes covert but also overt form of torture — usually enjoyed by (you guessed it…) an abuser. Is it no surprise then that in our first world cultures it is considered “illegal” for an individual to attempt his or her own suicide? No. No, that isn’t much of a surprise at all for such rigid “first world” policy.

Although we made an agreement with the gods to come here to this world, we never (knowingly) made a contract to stay, and nor can we stay here forever anyways so, my conclusion:

“Go ahead. Make my day.”

~ Dirty Harry

Alan Watts and other philosophers have also proposed that this is the only serious topic or question that we can ask ourselves:

“To be or not to be?”

~ Shakespeare

So then, offering those who contemplate their own termination an unusual response that they might not expect can sometimes throw them off and indirectly sway them to view their situation in a different light. If we respond with something unexpected like, “Okay, great! So have you thought about how you are going to do it yet? Have you made the necessary plans, and what should I do to help? Have you thought about taking out someone else while you are at it like, say, a rapist or a child molester or some evil CEO of some corporate institution profiting at the expense of those less fortunate? Let’s get this done right!”

These kinds of active engaging and realistic questions or concepts will likely surprise a suicidal individual. After all, they are expecting everyone to say, “No! Don’t do it!” Can we see the problem behind this sort of response directed at an already restricted or repressed or depressed victim? It’s limiting. Responding to a victim who shares with us their only option to alleviate their torturous experience — with a totalitarian command noless — will likely serve to diminish an already diminished individual instead of helping that individual in any real lasting way. If anything, such an argumentative reply is damaging and will likely cause the victim to feel even more imprisoned in their already caged-in circumstances. They just want someone to relate to, someone to exchange with about thoughts that are important to them, no matter how disturbing they might seem to be at a glance. Sometimes it is not a concrete solution that we seek in others, but simply that those others would willingly engage with us in seeking. They want to feel as though they matter to others. They want to matter. And they do matter, but the only problem is that we aren’t sending them that message or maybe they just can’t see it, no thanks to the (usually clueless and insensitive) manner of our interaction with them. If for no other reason, a “surprise” response will help to alter the depressive person’s state of mind into considering alternative ideas, even if for only a moment. Frightful territory, short-lived, and unusual, maybe — but a new and alternative train of thought nonetheless. This is what is required in rebuilding neural pathways in the mind: to continually think of new thoughts and not the same old depressive ones.

I say sky or mountain / cliff diving (without a chute), or a swim out to sea would do the job fairly well, if I had to resort to a way out. Something where it is just us and the gods, no one else. Or we could hire a good friend or some excellent marksman to shoot us in the back of the head from across a field at a moment when we least expect it; while we are genuinely happy or laughing or smiling. Morbid, right? But what we do not want to do is accidentally fail at our attempts, such as jumping off of a 13 story building and surviving as a paraplegic like my friend did once. Fortunately enough, she had a wild and dark sense of humour which allowed her to process things somewhat after that.

So after learning about my friend’s story I decided to write an adult children’s book, Suicidal Bunny.

It’s about a rabbit who tries to commit suicide over and over again but never succeeds. On each page there is a cartoon showing how the rabbit accumulates each new injury as each new attempted suicide remains unsuccessful. Finally reaching the moral of the story:

Until one beautiful sunny spring day, Suicidal Bunny thought really hard for a really long time and said: “Well, because I seem to be incapable of killing myself successfully, I have decided to devote the rest of my life in order to help other little bunnies who are also sad and who also want to die; so that they can live a happy life rather than choose to put themselves through the same kinds of mistakes that I have chosen for myself and the suffering that came with it — all for nothing!” …and just like that a meteorite fell from the sky and instantly killed Suicidal Bunny.’


Inspired by Chloe Cole.

PS — If you think or feel that the subject matter in this blog is disturbing, that might likely be because of the fact that the subject matter examined above IS disturbing.

Clhoe Cole

Have a good one folks!


Witchcraft: Music Language Script & Mathematics

Witchcraft is the ability to cast spells or magic in order to alter reality in some measurable (and usually immeasurable) way:

Magic (n.) Look up magic at Dictionary.comlate 14c., “art of influencing events and producing marvels using hidden natural forces,” from Old French magique“magic, magical,” from Late Latin magice “sorcery, magic,” from Greek magike (presumably with tekhne “art”), fem. of magikos “magical,” from magos “one of the members of the learned and priestly class,” from Old Persian magush, which is possibly from PIE root *magh- “to be able, have power.” 

Transferred sense of “legerdemain, optical illusion, etc.” is from 1811. Displaced Old English wiccecræft (see witch); also drycræft, from dry “magician,” from Irish drui “priest, magician” (see druid).”

Screen Shot 2017-08-08 at 3.48.15 PMThis is why when western colonials revealed the powers of writing to Abenaki and other Eastern tribes, the Abenaki presumed that it must have been magic or witchcraft… because it is witchcraft. Any human attempt to reproduce and ultimately capture form is at its core a form of magic power. Music, language, script, and mathematics are all powerful forms of magic that we as human beings harness in a playful attempt to seize real phenomena that is at once a part of as well as separate from us. Some tribes view the reproduction of their own face as a form of trapping their soul, so these tribes will avoid having pictures taken of them and other forms of visual duplications/reproductions etc.. Most eastern tribes would refuse anyone who would want to take photographs of them lest their souls be stolen and they disrupt the spirit worlds.

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Have a good one folks!


The Ex

EMPATHY — it’s a thing. You might want to try it out sometime.

After nine years of bottling up the following issues concerning domestic abusive manipulations (also know as Mental Cruelty — I finally managed to muster up enough self-respect to divorce the ex on those grounds), it has finally surfaced and my side of the story is finally being heard, or… read, rather. This blog is about the unbelievable forms of abuse that — I — have voluntarily allowed the ex to subject myself to as an underdeveloped younger male who was desperate for love attention and spiritual guidance. It is the culmination of decades of sorting out the abstract pieces to the puzzle of my life, leading me to a place where I could finally understand for the first time that two separate toxic forces were negatively influencing me as a young man. The toxicity of the narcissistic individuals of which I so voluntarily subjected myself to (out of what I thought was kindness) and the toxicity of very strict rigid limiting religious dogma — not to be confused with free and limitless spirituality or communion with the gods, if you will. While one is harmful enough on it’s own, compounding one toxic force with another gives us twice the bang for our buck! After all, why get one thing for a price when we can get two things for the same price… or three, or four, or five, or six, or seven, or eight, or nine etc. right?

So a comment was made on social media and because this comment was religious in nature, mixed in with a nine year repression concerning psychological issues, it managed to strike a chord at the very core of my being which finally needed to be strummed. Thankfully I was able to post the resulting comment on a narcissistic/psychopath/abuse Facebook support group page, and out of the five pages that I chose to post to it appears that at least one of the groups approved my super special and ultra fun rant.

The innocent comment: (which could not have possibly been posed by a religious person… could it have been? Nah, religious people never beat down belittle or attack in any way shape or form those whom they know are struggling in life, right?)

“Looks like someone never got their prayers answered, because you are obviously sexually frustrated and butt hurt…”

The Narcissist Pitstop

My immaculately calm response:

That’s what happens when you marry (give your heart mind and soul over to) a jesusfucker. But it’s OK, I’m sure that she’s quite happily married to her brother now, whom I was so often compared to.

Those religious people completely destroyed every iota of my identity. Anyone who has not been brainwashed and psychologically emotionally spiritually mentally etc. abused or controlled and manipulated covertly by extreme evangelical religious indoctrination for the sake of “love” and “forever lasting life in heaven next to jesusfucker & co.” — DOES NOT UNDERSTAND — the level of sheer horrid deconstructionism that takes place at the heart of a targeted individual, so I forbid anyone who has not been through this particularly unique and excruciating experience to fucking claim to know best concerning this matter because you fucking don’t. But go ahead and laugh it up and be a sadass abuser like the proud and infallible abusers were towards me. I’m sure it’ll incur a wonderful karmic experience for whomever is interested in such a sick demonic shallow thrill.

These kinds of people are cruel heartless (somewhat) unconsciously evil satanists who enjoy seeing us wither away, and they hope that we come crawling back to them on our hands and knees begging for forgiveness and more of their succulent abusive machinations enablements and approvals. They think it’s funny. They laugh about it over supper time, right after the family prayer.  They have “forgiven” me, you see. They even get a kick out of reading stuff like this. It confirms that they, alone, are right while targets such as I must clearly be wrong — both cannot be a little bit right and/or a little bit wrong. It must be one at the expense of the other, always.

What beautiful spirits they can be deep down inside where it counts, huh?

But no, I don’t ‘just have a chip on my shoulder’ or am merely ‘butt hurt’. I have dealt with other broken relationships before, and although it wasn’t pleasant to see the end of some of them, this is TOTALLY different. These kinds of religious uptight intransigent people basically fucking hate our guts for having a free mind of our own. They think that we are deserving of eternal hell fire… because they operate out of the deep profound fear and pain and sorrow of the reality of the mysteries of this life and the death which must befall us all one way or another. They will NEVER apologize and even if they did, they wouldn’t even mean a single word of it; they just don’t care about us and our free spiritual ways — it must be their way or the highway every time. Hey, little baby j is at stake here, or at least they ‘believe’ so. They essentially want us all to conform and accept their god or dogma or… die. They think the world’s problems are our fault when in fact it is THEY who judge, accuse, condemn, hurt, belittle, abuse, manipulate, control and resent other free spirits. My only question is:


Well… where is it?

They are not inclusive like heathenry spirituality is. They are EXCLUSIVE and they deliberately shun those who have abased themselves low enough for their help, like cutting off a heroin addict from heroin — if we show any sign of free individuated thought. They want us to kill ourselves, basically — or at least, that is the message that their actions send to those of us who are foolish enough to hope in them for psychic guidance. This is truly disgusting, and I am convinced that not only are they not evolved as human beings but they also likely have little to no soul substance left in them. Yet they like to think that they are somehow “saved”! As far as they are concerned we are all less than trash because we just don’t think like they do or go to their dumbass church and sit on our asses like a bunch of barn animals chewing their cud (Mmmmmaaaaaaaaaaauuoooooua…), or read their shitty little boringass bible with pages so thin you could split an atom with.

Now, the only reason that they want to convert everyone around them in order to conform to their way of thinking is because they selfishly want to be reassured that they will most definitely have a front row seat in heaven. They don’t care about our Earth. They don’t care about here and now. They only care about some solipsistic delusion in some fantastic future place that more than likely does not even exist or at least does not exist at all in the way that any of them conceptualize that it must. Fuck them and everyone who thinks like them and treats other people like they have treated me. It’s subhuman and its utterly disgusting how they can and do emotionally destroy people from the inside out.

I’ll get you, my pretty!

So this isn’t only about the ex or some related sexual issue either. This is about a mentality which functions as a virus and a plague that abuses and dismantles the already frail ‘post-modern’ spiritual frame of those of us who seek comfort and help in life, or those of us who just want peace and REAL love, and yet they have the bloody nerve to claim and profess to be qualified enough as ‘spiritual leaders’ to save others from the very hell that they end up co-creating inside of us through their sometimes but not always unconscious manipulations intolerance presumptions of guilt before proven innocent, and the unwillingness to consider other realities and spiritualities and customs and beliefs and cultures of people who simply prefer to think outside… no box required. So, this is really more about people who claim to offer love and peace and being capable of helping us escape the jaws of death but who instead all too often end up breaking our spirits rather than setting those spirits free.

This is why I propose that religions must be abolished in order to allow the rest of humanity a chance to evolve towards TRUE compassion and TRUE empathy.

Fortunately enough for me and my experience in such religious morals, the specific cult that I married into were in the end kind enough to send me back the CDs of my music that I gave to each member of the family (out of what I thought was love) once the ex would finally end up leaving me (for baby j no less) for three weeks because: I smoked a joint with a friend the year before and finally admitted to it, after she insisted to go see Handel’s Messiah with her immaculate brother once I came back from a week’s worth of hard work in the city to surprise her on my 30th birthday. Isn’t that great? I could easily bore you all with 1000 instances like this including (so I was later told by a friend who lived next to them and claimed to have accidentally witnessed the ex indulging in incest with the family hero — though I cannot bring myself to believe it): being lured into feelings of guilt for speaking to her best friend’s sister at church an entire pew away while that friend’s parents were there being included in the conversation, but then subjecting my ass to a guilt trip for the rest of the day with a silent treatment (due to her own obvious low self-esteem issues which I could not to deduce at the time); leaving me playing guess games and wasting my time and energy on her pathological psychopathy. Not to mention all the “friends” and family she spewed out every poisonous word that she could about me to while I spoke to no one for years about stuff like being prevented from watching Victoria’s Secret commercials on Super Bowl Sunday. Or swearing. Or testing a grape at the grocery store, because: “God can’t bless you for stealing”. Or no sex before marriage for a minimum of one year.

Narcissists use the smear campaign to render their targets socially powerless and full of shame. But if you’re lucky, you’ll eventually manage to develop enough strength to wait them out like a noble savage and say your piece — when they least expect it. The lingering foreboding ambient threat of being exposed is like a powerful neurotoxin constantly being recycled through the veins and arteries of the narcissist. So remember: when someone punches you in the face, they are inviting you to punch them back. Which is exactly what I am figuratively doing here, finally. Cool thing is, I don’t even have to identify them because they will likely be doing this for me. Its true, it makes me feel special that my special abusers care more about me than I do about them!

But surely no one is interested in such disgusting manipulative behaviour. Besides it ends up working out totally fine as the rebound from the ex was an atheist narcissist who claimed to be a xian as well. And she only charged me $40-$80 a night after two years of dating her (15K goes by pretty fast in three years); reminding me how I “take too long” (in bed), she rarely if ever complemented me, or the place where I live which I find to be extremely beautiful, and she would say strange things like: “I hate the sound of that bird”, when referring to a hermit thrush which is one of my favourite Songbirds in the world (as if testing me in someway to see what my reaction might be… which was a kind of disbelief and surprise but mostly I would ignore the negativity as much as I could and instead tried to remain optimistic for the sake of our time together), or, “I’m never giving sex away again for free”; stole money, utensils and strange stuff like that (but I just figured that she was either not doing it or if she was doing it she was just playing a kind of love game just to see if I would be upset at her and value the missing item more than valuing her as my lover — but I eventually caught on that love does not play games, folks), gaslighting me, giving me shirts of other men that she had slept with, never apologizing, rarely coming over to my place or staying the night and if she did I was to drive her back right away first thing in the morning, occasionally smiled, introduced me to The Art Of Seduction (2001) which I could not bring myself to read, right before finally taking in some bum off the street the last month that she was in town before she would leave me for some teaching job in China, after she got one last reaction out of me and filed a police report for breaking her window (for no reason, obviously), and quite successfully finished the job which the previous one almost managed to accomplish — breaking my tiny little weakass heart, and made me cry like a little baby. But it was they who showed off the star heart when they laughed about it at me and then called me a pussy (were they projecting here at all? Because if they were I think it a little strange that both a man and a woman lay claim on such a thing for themselves as a single power unit… or maybe I’m thinking of a muff-sandwich); “Keep him down while you can”, ordered the crash test dummy. Impressive Kung Fu skills there, huh?

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Thankfully both the ex and the rebound eventually chose to never speak to me again after I waited them out like the noble savage that I am. But they made sure to accused me of being a narcissist right before they pulled their Daphnes, made like the leaves that they are, and left. So in the end, I didn’t have to force myself to let either of them go on my own like a man because they never bothered to look back — clearly, I wasn’t worth it. But I waited, and I waited, and I waited… to no avail. Neither of them would move in to the home that I prepared for, first the ex, then the rebound (keep in mind here that these are two separate times and relationships, folks).

But hey, let’s look at the bright side: the rebound let me swear and smoke some pot and have some dry emotionless sex, and would chain-smoke while I was shrunk into her tiny little filthy apartment — when she was well aware that I am asthmatic. I guess that makes me out to be some kind of masochist, huh? Typical… for a tyrant.

What a blast. At least she was prettier. So who am I to blame for not going out on a single date with another woman in over four years now — jesusfucker? Nah, these people deliberately want to plan and calculate exactly how to destroy us and shred us up rip us apart right down into pieces; they do not want us to have skills, to be happy, or to have success. This is what they are good at doing, so they are “happy” when they fulfill their sick disgusting life purpose which is: to be a wrecker.


Yeah… I’d say that I’m super well adjusted. Hey, justice over empathy, right?

Guilty until proven innocent!

Happy as a clam.

The End.

Lastly, I found it a little bit hypocritical that the other narcissistic support groups would not approve of the above rant in their groups just because I swear a little bit and obviously have certain issues concerning religion. They are supposed to be support groups for people who have been abused, and yet they will not allow someone such as myself to say my bit. How is that fair in anyway? (It’s not. Narcissistic abuse has no god.)

So, alright then: I’m sorry. Please forgive me for allowing others to abuse my ass. Do you see just how crazy that is to ask of someone? “Just forgive and forget — holding a grudge like that (you weakass piece of worthless shit) will only make you even more bitter than you already are (you guilty useless object of nothing)”. Just continue with the abuse then, because clearly that is all that you fucking know how to do in life! And by all means, silence the target of abuse who reaches out for help after nine fucking years of bottling up everything inside on his own like a big strong loyal man and speaking to no one about it or barely; hardly ever receiving any support from all those millions of people out there surrounding me who so easily understand my super common situation, and above all: take the abuser’s side, which — CLEARLY — is me, right?

The very least that the other groups could do is NOT take a side, but allow both parties to have their say. And by the way, what I have been feeling deep down inside the core of my being on account of those abusive experiences is not really what I would call a “grudge”. Its more like C-PTSD.

Alas, what is important here is not me, the ex, my sexuality, or the fact that my ass is sore. What matters here is that there does exist very subtle and sometimes unconscious spiritually abusive interactions between people, and it would seem worthwhile to seriously consider the weight and reality of these things before allowing ourselves to commit to someone, in spite of our strong biological sexual will to hook up.

Control Dramas:

While I do not agree with the rigid dogmatic ways of certain religious sects and the like, what also matters when voluntarily getting stuck in the narcissist’s gravitation field is that we stick to our guns as individuals and that we do not assume that just because we might forgo all that we are were or would be — for the sake of love — that other people will be doing the same for us (obviously). Some people simply do not want to nor do they know how to reflect the light like the moon, they simply want to consume it like black holes do. This is why I sometimes refer to these sickass vampires, not as assholes, but as blackholes.

“If I am guilty of causing drama at least I do it quietly, using text. Unlike some other blackholes out there.”


~ Lemurian

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We must learn to see these people amidst all the darkness surrounding them and protect ourselves in this way or else — we are asking for a shitstorm of fuckery to teach us a seriously painful lesson that we could otherwise minimize if we would but merely — brace yourselves — avoid giving our better half away. But instead give them the half of us that they help to cultivate within us; while reserving the “better half” of ourselves for ourselves and for ourselves only, because there’s nothing quite like having a spare around when the relationship gets a little flat; in fact, it is necessary. After all, two halves make a whole. On some level this doesn’t seem to make sense at first glance, but on another level it means not forsaking or giving away all of ourselves to our significant other with the added false expectation that they will love us all the more for it. Because, chances are that they will not do so. Just because I jump off the dock and into the lake it does not necessarily mean that you will too. If we give away all of our money and assets and power to someone — even if it is out of the pure goodness of our heart for the sake of sharing and caring and then proliferating that generosity — it does not mean that they will do the same in return. Especially if little baby j wants a cut.

“I can understand your extremely negative view on religion. I was raised strict xian and have seen the hypocrisy. Thank goodness my family was not abusive, though. The narc however, was raised Jehovah’s Witness and OMG, I think that religion is in itself extremely narcissistic and absolutely breeds sociopathy. So frightening. They teach manipulation tactics and demand absolute power over their congregation. A true cult.”

~ Michelle

“That’s a whole lot of hurt, from a whole lot of people. Is there any way to get away from those people? It almost sounds like you might have some C-PTSD going on. You’ve endured a lot of abuse and trauma.”

~ Julie

“You can amuse yourself a bit by watching Sam Vaknin on youtube; he has 2 videos where he uses excerpts from the bible to make the argument that Jesus was a narcissist.”

~ Ann

“‘But what if as targets, we are those narcissists who claim to be victims? How the hell are we supposed to know which way is up or down? I find this whole topic very confusing.’ The fact that you’re even asking those questions likely eliminates you as narcissist. A narcissist wouldn’t even ask those questions since they are so deeply in denial about their disorder. Narcissists have certain qualities and characteristics (grandioseness, egocentrism, lack of empathy, etc.). Do you have those qualities? Honest self-examination will give you the answer. A narcissist would never engage in self-examination. Narcissists will use tactics to make you crazy so you don’t know which way is up or down and then make themselves out to be the victim.”

~ Lance

“How can you battle a person with no emphaty, who is master of deceptions, who thinks you’re weak because you have emotions, and who mirrored others all his/her life, that she/he has now perfected your predictable responses and reactions, so that he/she can always stay a couple chess moves ahead of you?”

~ Risma

“Ouch I’m really sorry Curtis it sounds like you had a terrible experience w/ cultists, and it’s completely understandable you’re angry and hurt. And for that as a xian myself I am truly sorry you had to go through that. Real xianity calls us to love and not condemn. I have sadly encountered similar things and types of extremists and discontinued any contact with them for sanity’s sake. I hope you’re finding peace and acceptance in your journey to healing.”

~ Heather

“Cussing has been scientifically proven to help people feel better, and, In my experience, church people are the absolute worst. My mom was one of them, when I sprained my ankle one time, she just prayed over it an refused to take me to a doctor. I crawled around on the floor for three days until my older brother found a pair of crutches at a pawn shop. I didn’t go to school, because I’d gotten there by walking myself every day. Mom just left me to take care of myself, she’d prayed over it, so it was “God’s will.” My problem usually arises when people use religion as an excuse for bad or irresponsible behavior.

~ Gayla

“God is either not all powerful or he is an asshole. I am not too into religion bashing. I tend to let people believe what they want until it starts interfering in my life in a negative way, like someone trying to fore their beliefs onto me. It also seems to be a character flaw a lot of times; they need a reason to follow good morals? They need to fear hell to be a good person? Why not just be a good person because you feel it is the right thing to do? I don’t need anyone to manipulate me into being a decent human. All it takes is me personally not wanting to be a shitty one.”

~ Daryl

“Joyce, your comment reminds me of another one similar in content. You might consider my response:

“I plainly state in this article that religion is like poison to me. Now you are asking YOUR religious “God” to bless me? Why don’t you just leave me alone instead of offering me more of the poison that I just informed you about that poisons my spirit?

“He blames everything and everyone in his life for all of his problems.”

Wait a second… are you some kind of oracle? Because it seems as though the above statement would be the perfect choice of words for an abuser to convince their target of. Do I blame my mother for all of my problems? What about my father? Or my sister? Or real friendships?

Please inform us all on this “everyone” of which you claim I blame all of my problems on. Enlighten us all on your vast knowledge base of what empathy truly means. How would you know what I need? Have you asked me? Do you even really care about what I need? Are you perhaps more concerned about how others might perceive you and your apparent association to religion? Would it upset you that other people would support me when it comes to matters of not only narcissistic but religious injustices and the lack of empathy? Do you feel attacked by that statement? Does my choice of freedom of expression make you feel attacked and cornered?

“Not much time, if any, on his contributions to his life’s difficulties”, does this make grammatical logical sense? If I am claiming to be a target of abuse why are we proposing to shine the light on that target’s responsibilities for his life’s difficulties rather than on those of the abusers of which the target is attempting to identify? Are we asking the target of abuse to take blame for the abuse he is expressing is a reality which the target experiences in relation to religious persons and those persons’ dogmatic apparently enough blind and skewed sense of justice?

Why would you want YOUR “God” to bless my tortured mind body and soul? Did I ask you for this “favor” of yours? Is it something that I have expressed that would help me?

Can you predict the future? Seriously, though, can you? I would love to have that super power… In fact, I’m feeling a little jealous right now because you seem to have that superpower but I don’t. Perhaps I do need psychological help for years to come but are you presuming that you know best on account of what kind of psychological help I need? Are you proposing to offer me this psychological help? Because if you are, while I might need help from someone and would welcome that I certainly would never ask help from someone like you, Jeffery.

Are you stoned right now?

Where is your other cheek?”

~ Curtis

“Xians… great literary term! Xians ARE the definition of cruelty.”

~ Hank

“It’s nice to come across someone with their own thoughts and own voice and someone who doesn’t have to follow the unthinking masses. And “baby j” would be appauled by how “the xians” use him as their mascot in order to strike fear in those who don’t “believe in him.””

~ Layla

“You’re not alone. We’ve all dealt with the insanity a narc can unleash in our lives.”

~ Julie

“I have to wonder what you would be like had you had someone who built you up.”

~ Rachel


Have a good one folks!


Religion: Medicine For Some, Poison For Others

Religion nearly killed me.

The effects that religion had on me as a younger man nearly made me take my own life, out of a profound sense of feeling rejected, shun, bad, worthless, etc. by those very people whom I trusted to help guide me towards my higher purpose. The effect of being sent the message that we are totally worthless to those whom we invest all of our time and energy into or through or with, after we have placed all of our faith and hopes and strengths and talents in the… air, as we are told to do by those supposed ‘spiritual leaders’ (more like: spiritual abusers) can strip a person’s true spiritual identity down into shreds. This is truly destructive in an extremely psychologically sick and twisted and usually unseen way. People who have not been infected by this religious poison simply cannot relate, so do yourselves a favour and don’t expect anyone to understand besides others who have forged a similar path as your own, if this has been your experience also. I gave all of who I was away, sacrificing everything about me in order to trade my being, my life, my own spiritual freedom, for a promise to everlasting life in some really boring living conditions (no sex in heaven!? Wtf!?). Blindly placing our trust in such an empty promise — which no man or woman has the right to make in the place of the gods — can totally destroy our identity, our goals, aspirations, motivation, drive, reality, priorities, self-esteem etc.. It is how free spirits are broken down, shattered, deconstructed and retransformed into nothing, powerless; good for the grave. Just consider the destructive effects that religion had on native pagan cultures everywhere, in the age of colonization. Social ostracism inflicted onto us by those we reach out to for help can utterly ruin our normal ability to function in society, and because that we will leave our former life, most of our friends, our passions, hobbies, hopes and dreams, purpose, and also then eventually leave the “new family” who are supposedly “saved” and will always “love” us and help us — to figuratively sell all we are and own for one single thing called “heaven” (when in reality this is just sect/cult acceptance — because we are programmed to serve and please those who dictate “the word of god” (such bullshit, no man or woman knows the mind of god, yet alone all infinite numbers of all of the gods))… such people will find hemselves very alone without anyone, rendered socially and psychologically incapacitated, or estranged at best.

The fact is that we are social creatures much like wolves are. It has been documented throughout history that the encouragement of our peers can make all the difference in life and death situations. Consider: a young Japanese child performing acrobats in front of his school might not be capable of performing his or her task, and after a few failed attempts this then causes this child to cry in front of everyone, but once that child’s peers circle around that child and bow down to this individual in loud energetic repetitive chant in order to encourage that chid, as is Japanese customs…  that individual is then capable of succeeding at the task, against all odds.

Religious people know and understand just how truly powerful a role that social psychology plays in a person’s life, especially a child’s, and how peer-encouragement or the lack thereof can either make or break anyone. The best part? That is exactly how and why religious manipulation was DESIGNED — and not by the gods, but by man. Concerning dogma such as, “the meek shall inherit the earth”; the weakest one will win / “the first shall be last”… well, this is intensely problematic because those who (naturally) WANT to win — but then DENY that nature about themselves will believe this type of logical fallacy to be rooted in some kind of actual reality, here — on Earth. Saying one thing while doing something else entirely, usually polar opposite in professed quality of heart. Weak people don’t win, folks. They just get good at losing; which, admittedly, is an art and a strength in and of itself… but I digress this to the realm of paradox.

So if anyone is thinking of joining a religious group or is currently in one, even “for the sake of love” well… I’ll pray for you (religious people’s way of saying: “Go hang yourself”)! Sure, pray for the hungry and the poor but they’d be way better off if you just made them a goddamn sandwich instead, maybe even slip them a few bills, and check up on them every once in a while, you know… out of LOVE (the real kind). Religious people must learn that just because they think that their dogma or religion or so-called ‘spirituality’ will save them and makes their lives more virtuous — IT DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT THIS WILL NOT BE ANYTHING LESS THAN TOTAL FUCKING KRIPTONITE TO OTHER FREE SPIRITS.

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Religion is a serious mental poison for some of us out there which can and will debilitate even the strongest of men. It is my firm experience that there is much more pure unconscious evil in religious circles than there is outside of those groups.

“The purest form of evil is the evil which is totally unaware of itself.”

~ Lemurian

Religious people know this powerful social weapon works; that’s why they shun people. “Enable them like showering a heroin addict with narcotics, then if they step out of line — pull the rug right under their feet cold turkey using the purest form of hate: IGNORANCE” (heroin addicts will — DIE — if they go cold turkey). Don’t let yourself or your friends or family poison themselves with this most wicked of evils that exists in this world: those people who claim to know and understand the mind of god, but instead covertly, whether unconsciously or deliberately so, are more concerned with gutting your soul right out of your insides and turning you into a dull lifeless guilt-ridden shameful small and unworthy mind-salve deserving of nothing more than mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse — by far the most vile form of abuse that there is, has been or will ever be on Earth. To have the effect of (deliberately) making a man or woman feel or think that — GOD — does not approve of them as a creature, either by way of shunning them or any other form of abuse, just because they voice their own mind… well, what a deeply profound horror this truly is.

Stay curious and in limitless wonder. That’s how life is designed; we are not meant to have all the answers or solve all the problems. Real gods do not have all the answers either, but I’m not certain of that because I don’t claim to know what the gods think or feel at any given moment of every single day! Believing that one god or one dogma will answer all of life’s endless questions and fill the cup of wonder to the brim, while you trade away your life for it — is literally worshiping LIES.

Respect yourself and your neighbours more than that.


Photo: Operation Werewolf 


Have a good one folks!


Particles: Balls Of Coalesced Waves

The particle/wave paradigm has confounded scientists for decades. But have these scientists covered all the bases, even: the impossible? That particles are in reality condensed balls of coalesced electromagnetic waves which consist of smaller condensed balls of coalesced electromagnetic waves ad infinitum. Cracking the code concerning the proportional relationship existing between these two interdependent states of ‘matter’ (energy: plasma/light/sound etc.) would be to discover the key unlocking the hidden laws of the multiverse and by extension how all things operate and are intertwined with one another.

Have a good one folks!